Getting Back To Our Normal

Well as you may have heard we have a new Nunn arriving this June! Baby number three, oh boy! We had planned this baby but once the hormones kicked in and the dreaded "Pregnant Natalie" returned I had some second thoughts on what we were possibly thinking. Life was just starting to feel kinda "easy" again, why did we throw Pregnant Natalie and a soon-to-be-newborn into the mix?!

The past two months have been hard. So so very hard. I am happy to be pregnant and excited about this new kid, BUT pregnancy is not a fun time for me. We kind of forgot how hard it is, not just on me but the whole family. For me, I get really sad, feel nauseous 24/7 and disengage from the entire family. I don't want to parent, I don't want to cook and I cannot bring myself to really contribute in any way. It's rough! I felt like a total failure and burden. Poor Dave, he really had to become a single parent for a while there all while trying to keep me from falling completely into a dark and hazy state. Thank goodness for our parents! I honestly don't know how we would have survived without all their help. And help from friends! People who dropped off food or just sent me a message to see how we were doing or to even commiserate about the trials of growing a person. All of it was so appreciated.

During those two months we completely abandoned all of regular crunchy routines. Cloth diapers? UGH too much work, just put Harv in a disposable when we go out. Using the cloth wipe spray? Well as soon as that ran out I didn't feel like making more. Getting outside every day with the kids? I could cry just thinking of the process of getting two kids dressed and outside. Nope, unlimited Netflix it is! Making bread and food from scratch? HA! The kids lived off PB and J, cereal and fruit for 8 weeks. Things I did not have to cook or think about. It made me realize how living a more hands-on life really requires a certain amount of privilege. As soon our home life became stressed and I became unwell, all of those things immediately became unattainable.

At one point during a day where were eating cereal for lunch, the dog hadn't been walked in over 3 weeks, I had just finished crying at the table, and the kids were whining about watching even more Netflix after lunch Dave looked at me and said in a half joking way, "You know, I think this is a real low point for the Nunn family. We're barely functioning right now!"

Now I'm slowly starting to feel more like myself which we are all incredibly grateful for. When I ate a full dinner for the first time at my parents house recently I thought my mum was going to cry tears of joy lol.  I'm getting cookbooks out at the library again, seeing friends, cooking real food, and saying no to Netflix more often. I cry, tops, once a day! Life is starting to feel good again and I'm starting to look forward to each day rather than dreading it.

I hate to get cheesy here but you know the saying how you can't appreciate the good times unless you have the bad times too? It really is so true. Sometimes the bad times seem to go on forever but then you slowly make your way back to the good times and it's like being able to breathe out of your nose again after being stuffed up for weeks. You suddenly get to appreciate all the little things you took for granted before. Like having an appetite. Actually enjoying your kids. Having the energy to walk the dog. Helping someone else instead of being the one being helped. I could go on forever.

Here's to new babies and making it through hard times!

The night after I wrote this both kids came down with the dreaded barfing flu. Ha! Back to the hard times I see for a while yet! Ah such is life.